Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
