Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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