Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
