dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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