I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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