So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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