If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
