I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
