It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
