I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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