We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
