i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
