i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
