I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
