also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
