I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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