I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I made him laugh his dick is mine
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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