sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
