guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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