im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
