omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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