You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize