i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
