glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
