I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
