the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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