Don't you send me to vm
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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