My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
