everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
