He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
