1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
