my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
