Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
