Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize