i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
