I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
