"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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