remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
