wakey wakey hands off snakey
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
