the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need a beard to bite.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
