"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
