Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
