Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
