Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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