i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
