I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
