My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
