I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
