she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
