Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
