you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
