I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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