69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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