He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
