I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
