Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
