hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
