4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
