Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
