I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
