Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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