FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
