omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
