New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
