im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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