I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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