right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
