I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't notice because vodka
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
