i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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