Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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