My cat gives me a boner
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize