...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
