neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
