If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
