I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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