I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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